It's Life, Jim, but not as we know it

Back into the murky world of Internet dating, although I have to say more for the entertainment of it than the fact that it might lead to meeting someone who I might form a relationship with. Then again, before I continue I have to admit I have made some good friends along the way, but by the same token I have also met a few circus freaks.

I recently read the profile of an incredibly good looking guy, who thought it necessary to give some hints and tips to women on what to include in their dating profiles if they wanted to attract the "right type of man". He went to the lengths of advising what type of photos men would find most attractive, and hinted that taking photos in a bedroom, with dirty knickers lying in the background might not be just that! (Common sense does prevail here.) I read it with an open mind and laughed out loud in some places, but there was an underlying arrogance about him and I felt sorry for the woman who eventually ended up with someone who was so "instructive" to complete strangers. Could this be a closet control freak? What would happen to the poor woman who ended up with this man?

It led me to think about what exactly the appropriate way to go about internet dating is. What should one include on a profile? Should you show your photo or not? Will putting a profile on a website lead to finding someone special or is it just a means to open oneself up for abuse and heartache? Will a person ever know until they try? Where is the rule book on this?

I think when entering into anything in life it is best to keep an open mind. It can be tremendously difficult and nerve racking to put yourself out there for all to see and judge. And judging it is, because, in essence, once you have created a profile for all to see, each time someone views it they are judging you on what it says, on your photos and on your description of yourself. Does a person play it cool and a little edgy, or do they lie and hope not to be found out?

Let's face it, if you want to meet someone great then you yourself have to be great. You have to put your best foot forward and then trust that the people you meet are also doing so. Mercifully there is a screening process, so we are also not compelled to make contact with all the people who get in touch with us, and especially those who have read the criteria sought in a partner and then blatantly ignored them, and gone ahead and contacted you anyway. What is up with that? If I wanted to meet a guy who had one foot in the grave I would make it clear (wanted: older, more experienced man). I have a brain, I know what I want and I am given the opportunity to ask for specifics on my profile. Contacting me in the hopes that you might change my mind does not bode well with me and I will be inclined to ignore, block or delete you because we are unsuited, but I reason this out with "if you're the stalky type now, then what later". Unless your name is Donald Trump, Richard Branson or the like, if we're not a remote match, then please, don't waste my time. I think, however, I can be shallow enough to meet "rich with one foot in the grave". But only if I know I'm in the will.

But I digress. It is no use lying either in a dating profile, because in the end the truth will out when you meet up with the someone you have managed to attract. Saying that you have a wash board stomach for instance will be difficult to pull off, unless you own a corset and can stuck in your stomach for the duration of a date. Saying you are tall, dark and handsome, when that is not the case is also silly, unless you own platforms, and are planning on dying your hair prior to the date. Then again, putting up photos on your profile of a paunchy, shirtless person is surely not going to attract the Megan Fox lookalike you were hoping to. We ladies might not mind it after all, but just don't let it be the advertisement for you. In such cases, be modest, say your body type is average and let your date be the judge of it. This might result in you being pleasantly surprised when she overlooks the fact that you lied (about being average) and instead finds you tremendously attractive, is won over by your charm and wit and goes on another date with you.

I also cannot contend with the married people on the site. If you want to swing or stray outside your marriage then I have no bones with that, but I want to meet someone who is single and unattached, so that I can form my own relationship, and I am quite sure that it says that there in black and white. I would like to meet my own partner and not someone else's, but I still find that I receive messages from "nawty" men (who cannot spell it seems) who want to engage me in conversation and thereafter who knows what! People ought to be considerate of the "seeking" criteria on a profile. It is the exception rather than the rule that a person will be inclined to meet up with or even strike up a conversation with someone who does not fit the type of person they are searching for. I know the saying you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet a prince, but I always hoped that by joining a dating site it might narrow down the number of frogs substantially, by being able to choose the criteria I am searching for in a partner.

I am alarmed by the characteristics which are sought by men of women too. On reading many profiles, it has come to my attention that many men would like a woman who is, as they put it, "comfortable in her own skin". What on earth does that mean? If I were not comfortable in my own skin, could I try on someone else's? How could I be anything but comfortable in my own skin? What I would like to know is, would he be happy seeing me in my tatty, baggy track pants with the saggy behind, which I am most comfortable in other than my skin?! And they all want someone with a sense of humour. Just so you know, pretty much everyone is looking for someone with a sense of humour. I can vouch for the fact that I have one of those, I'm laughing at your profile as I read.

And there's another thing that alarms me too, the inclination to spell so poorly one cannot even decipher what on earth a person is saying. I read a profile where a guy said that he wanted "pation". It took me a while to figure out that he enjoyed "passion". Hmmm, I know that old saying "ignorance is bliss" but just how blissful are some of these people?

Can people not be unique, be themselves, say what they want, and in that way cut out a lot of wasted time spent on meeting people who are not really suitable. If ladies want them rich and hot why can they not be shallow enough to say that? Men with egos, which I have found come with money, would, I am quite sure, be delighted to be considered rich, if not the hot part.

I have had some guys enthusiastically make contact too and when I advise that I am not full paying member and thus cannot send more than one line, have had them be extremely rude, only to make contact a few weeks later, perhaps thinking I might now have forgotten this rudeness. My answer to them ... click "delete" .. goodbye.

Yes, it's a fun, strange, and extremely entertaining world out there on the Internet dating sites.  I know that some people are completely addicted to the online attraction of meeting and greeting new and potential partners, so much so that they are still trawling years down the line, having never quite found their "perfect" match.  So don't be surprised if the frog you meet remains just that. My advice to you would be to throw him back into the pond, take your net and get back in again, if you can handle it. You never know who could be just a click away, and, after all, it passes the time in a rather "different" way.