It's a jungle out there

I'm back on the single scene and decided to throw some caution to the wind by joining an Internet dating site. The joining up is pretty easy. You write a little splurb about yourself, and then can fill in a multiple choice form about your personality, your likes and dislikes and your preferences for a partner. This can either be an honest account of what you are like and what you are looking for, or an opportunity to create a whole new persona, develop a whole different image and turn from pumpkin into carriage or the other way around if desired.

I dutifully and honestly filled in all there was to know about me and then went on to fill in my preferences for a man, a date, a knight in shining armor, a Mr. Right. And so I pressed the button and posted myself into cyberspace, for all to see. I approached the event with much trepidation and caution, knowing that it all could backfire on me.

Days went by and then my first message arrived from a gent who asked if he could see my photos which I had, cleverly, kept hidden from the public eye. I noticed that he had not been all that willing to expose himself, and asked if he would open his photos for me. Not a bad looking guy and he seemed to fit all the criteria I was looking for in a man, a date, a knight in shining armor, a Mr. Right. So I responded, opened my photos and had a positive response from him too. So far so good it seemed. We chatted on email, we exchanged personal email addresses, we exchanged numbers and then we decided to meet.

It went swimmingly and I was pleased to say that we hit it off right from the start, despite a first date which bordered on the bizarre, playing spot the prostitute on a drive around the more dodgy areas of the town I live in, to a dip in fountain at a rather posh, newly developed high-rise building and a guided tour of the area in which I live. When he dropped me off at my house I felt giddy with happiness and hoped against hope that he would call as he said he would. And true to his word he did call!  Things went very well between us for several months and then, sadly, the wheels seemed to fall off and we parted company in the dating manner, and have established a somewhat precarious friendship from the remains of our romance.

So it was back to the dating scene again, and, not having ventured far the first time I decided to give it a better chance and be more brave this time around.  I donned my own suit of armor and clanked back into the fray again.  And it was then that I realised that there were some really odd men out there, really desperate men out there, really nice men out there, and it was going to be a difficult task sifting through them all to find a soul mate.

To start off with I cannot understand what men think when they look in the mirror.  They know the difference between attractive and unattractive when it comes to women, why can they not be that discerning when it comes to themselves?  They fill in the stats of their characteristics and most of them check the box which says "attractive" or "extremely attractive", then they puff up to you with unkempt hair, warts on their noses, beer bellies, buck teeth, dirty nails and smile and wonder why there is a frown on my face.  What?  They're joking right?  I'm sure the profile said attractive.  No matter, in a bid not to be shallow I can overlook the aesthetics and give them a chance.  I'm no oil painting myself so probably not in a position to criticise. 

Then I have a hard time getting past what they say about themselves and, more importantly, what they require in a partner.  The majority of men will make a comment along the lines of "must be comfortable in her own skin", and perhaps one day I will find someone to decipher what on earth that is supposed to mean.  Be bloody difficult to not be comfortable in one's own skin, and honestly what can one do if they're not comfortable in their skin?  Unzip it and take it off?  I think not.  Then they say they want someone balanced (I have an arm on the right and on the left, does this qualify me?) and without hang-ups.  Hmm, by the time we have reached the necessity for the use of a dating site we're pretty much past that point, - most of us have pasts, children, issues, some just hide it better than others, and some are better at letting it go than others.  I asked too that married men not get in touch with me, since I am, if I am honest, keen to find my own husband and not someone else's, but this does not deter them at all.  If they're keen to cheat on their wives that may be their own business, but I am certainly not going to be party to the infidelity, thank you very much.  But marriage clearly makes men blind so that they cannot read the words "no married men".

I am pleased to say I have met and made many friends too.  I have been flattered to have been flirted with and asked on a date by a man more than ten years my junior, with whom I still keep in touch.  I'm not quite sure that I would even know what to do with him if we decided to be more than friends, but for the time being I am quite happy to enjoy his company with no strings attached.  He is attractive and well manner and great fun to be around.  And my ego will never deny that it loves being flirted with by a younger man.  Then again I have met my share of complete "kooks", like the guy who opened the conversation with me by telling me about how he thought my arms were flabby and then proceeded to run me down and tell me he was not at all impressed with what he saw.  I hope he's not expecting a response - for chat up lines his topped the list of "worst ever" and I wonder if he will ever meet someone if he blithely insults women thinking it will work. 

Another alarming trend with men, even worse than lying about themselves, is the tendency to get in touch, and maintain a conversation, only to suddenly disappear into the wild blue yonder (I am assuming when a better opportunity presents itself).  It would be so nice if men today at least the manners and the courtesy to just drop a line saying "hey, it's been good chatting, but I have met someone I think is more suitable so I don't feel it appropriate to chat with you anymore", instead of leaving us to have to scan the "deaths" column in the newspapers each day trying to establish a valid reason, other than sheer rudeness, for their sudden silence.

Whatever the case may be, it has been fun, interesting, frightening, fulfilling and a complete learning curve for me.  I have met my match in so many ways I never thought possible, but I am still holding out hope that I will eventually meet my man!